Show Me How You Work
by baby blue eyes10
Summary: James watches Sirius and muses, Lily realizes that she has crazy friends and is in love, Sirius is a crazy womanizer, and Snape is a fan. All told through an author's iPod on shuffle. So, what exactly happens when we Shuffle? Please review!
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Own not, I do. Only the random plots, own do I. _

_Author's Note: Hey you fine people! I was bored, had my iPod on shuffle, and this is the result. It has also helped me clear my writer's block, but as it is now 2 Am, I must be getting to bed! Please don't forget to review and I hope you all enjoy._

* * *

_'**Girl of the Year' by FM Static**_

_**James Potter**_

_Punk Rock. Two words to describe the girl that was currently the affections of my best friend. Blond hair, pink streaks, black fingernails, pink and black striped socks. All was totally out of regulation of the school rules here at Hogwarts. And as I am currently Head Boy, I should at least be giving out a detention, but I don't see what the point is, now that Padfoot is after her. The poor girl is going to be weeping after he's through with her._

_But, aren't they all? When is the boy really going to learn that if you treat the girl like a queen and then dump her like a pauper, she's just going to come back for more? Sigh. She must have slipped him a love potion though, what with the way he fawns over her. Most guys do though, she lifts her skirt when she leans down, and she's a bit of a tart. _

_Although, she still manages punk rock. Don't ask me how she does it, but she does. It's like she's stolen his heart, locked it up in a box with the rest of em' and then decided to play him for all he's worth. _

_He kind of deserves it too, but I'm not going to be the one to tell him that. And now he goes in for the kill. Looks like I'm walking to class by myself again. Lovely, if Lily was here I'd just bother her, but she can't be bothered with me right now. At least that's what she tells me. As the punk rocker and the pretty boy (don't let him hear you say that) walk through the halls, you can listen to the others whisper._

"_There goes the girl of the year."_

_'**Breathe (2 AM)' by Anna Nalick**_

_**Lily Evans Potter**_

_Again. Again with the calling. It's two in the freaking morning and she feels the need to send me another owl. This one's about how he's done it to her, again. It's totally ironic if you really pay attention. She knew it was going to happen, I've even told her that it was going to happen. In more times than I can count. _

_As soon as that boy got out of the place, drinking up a storm, and using his 'wand' however it pleases him, he's been doing this to her. And yet she's always back to help him. I don't think he's actually been sober since his father passed, but then I don't think he really cared for the man anyways so I don't know what's his problem. _

_Besides, I've told Mary that if she keeps making the same mistakes I won't be able to help her any longer. But, being the wonderful girl I am, I leave James in bed and make my way over to the desk and gather a quill and parchment, preparing myself to do some consoling. _

_So, I take a deep breath. Inhale, then exhale, then inhale again. Take the quill, dip into the ink, and begin my letter. The things I do for these people._

_**'Pop! Goes My Heart' by Hugh Grant**_

_**Remus Lupin**_

**Love is such a fantastic thing. I'm telling you this from first hand. Who knew that you could be standing across the room from someone you've known for so long and suddenly have your heart jump to your throat? You notice how beautiful this person is and you feel like your brain has just had a stroke from all the feelings that are suddenly surrounding you.**

**Being suave is not something that I've been good at my whole life. I've had my fair share of girlfriends, but no one has gotten my beastly appetite to throb like I haven't eaten in years. I have to say that I think that the girl that I could love for the rest of my life could be right next, or so close it would be, to me. I can't let them go...**

**So I rush out of the room after them and spin them around, ready to make them mine when I find out...**

**I have just kissed a man who has been dressed in drag. And my heart goes pop! And deflates like a balloon.**

_**'Through With You' by Maroon 5**_

_**Sirius Black**_

As the illustrious trouble making, love taking Marauder that I am, it is to be expected that I never get dumped. That is not the case though, my good person. I have just been brutally stabbed in the heart, given love, had it taken back, and then jumped on until I have achieved a state of death. How does she think that it would be possible that _I _could be cheated on?

Is she a crazy woman in need of a good lesson? No, she's been planning this from the beginning and of that I am most positively sure. Though it hurts me to say this, I would run back to her if I could, but I will not. Love will not prevail in this instance because I am through!

Do you hear me woman of all evil?! I am through! Through with all the betrayal that you lead us men into! Through with what you like to call _affections_! I am done, done, done...

Damn! Look at that! Hey sweetie, wait up!

_**'I Wan'na Be Like You' by Walt Disney (The Jungle Book)**_

_**Random Fan (coughSnapecough)**_

With perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect grades it is easy to see why the Marauders are the epitome of all that is awesome. I must achieve their perfection. To be like them would give me access to all that is good in this world. I would have babes, and grades, and a date would finally be coming my way! I wouldn't have to live in my mother's basement when I got older, I wouldn't sneak dirty magazines into my house only to forget the hiding spot later!

No, I would have the real thing. But only if I could be like them. Oh, to be like Sirius Black the Man Whore of Hogwarts. I would have women fawning over me all the time and they would take care of me in ways that I could only imagine. Oh, to be like James Potter the Best Quidditch Player of Two Centuries. I could have people tending to my every whim, doing my homework so I wouldn't hurt my precious fingers! Oh, to be like the Wolfish, yet Dashing Remus Lupin. People would want to date me just so they could figure me out!

But, I must resign myself to the fact that I will never be like them. I will never achieve that level of awesomeness. But I must try, because if I am as they way I am now, I will be a 40 year old virgin with unnecessarily greasy hair. I will not live with my mother! I will not be a dirty old pervert of a teacher! I will prevail! I will be like them!

_**'Mama Told Me (Not to Come)' by Tom Jones**_

_**James Potter**_

_I don't believe that in the history of all my 18 year that I have _ever_ been this drunk. The party was crazy, the booze was flowing (as were the women), and Sirius had convinced me to try the tequila. 'The worm, Jamesie! Eat the worm!' Of course, who was I to resist? An edible worm that no one else was going to eat, and I wasn't going to get into trouble? Hell yeah I was going to eat the damn thing! So I ate it. _

_The one thing he didn't tell me was that it was a mild hallucinogen, that I could be having some stomach problems in the morning. Let me tell you one thing: if I had known I was going to shat my pants and then puke into my shirt, sleep this way, and on top of all that end up in bed with 'Dorky' Dorcas Meadows I would have _stayed HOME!

_But I did all these things anyways. And what was supposed to be one of the funnest nights of my life turned into a horror story that will be retold by many for years to come. The Night James Potter had Too Much to Drink. That's what they will call it, and I will be the laughing stock of Hoggywarts forever. Plus, on top of all this, Sirius has photographs documenting the night. 'Blackmail,' he said, 'For when you're out of line.' The cheeky bastard even had the gall to wink. I hate him!_

_And all this would have been preventable had I listened to my mother and never came to this stupid party._

_**'I won't Say I'm In Love' by Cheryl Freeman**_

_**Lily Evans**_

_I've done it this time. Now James won't even look at me. So I may or may not have told him he was probably as well-endowed as the Giant Squid (who is rumored to have the smallest 'uh huh' in the history of man), but really, it shouldn't bother me this much. It's _Potter_ for Merlin's sake. We are supposed to be enemies. Fire breathing, I hate you but you love me, enemies!_

_What part of this does my brain not understand? I can not have any sort of feelings towards this floppy haired, hazel but green eyed, lovely smiling boy. Oh, cor, there I go again. Must I go through this all over again, because the last time it all went down in flames. And James can't and won't be my knight in shining armor. Even if he did look so freaking adorable when he was sad._

_He looks even better when he's happy, though._

_You know, I believe that if I keep these thoughts between myself and God, it would be okay. I could be friends with James and all would be well. There would be no unplanned feelings and we could work together and be the team that Heads should really be. I could help him settle down, he could help me loosen up..._

_OH, God, now I sound like we're a couple. I should just stay away from him forever now. Or I could just go down to the Common Room and snog his brains out now, find out really how well-endowed he is..._

_I think I'll go for option two, so here's knowing me before I became insane! 'Oh, James!?'_

_**'Turn Me On' by Norah Jones**_

_**Remus Lupin**_

**Hot. He was feeling very, very hot. And not just because of the green sweater he was currently sporting (although that could have something to do with it), it was the very fact that he was pressed against a dark corner and being taken advantage of by a wild-haired blond. But is it being taken advantage of if you were submitting to it? He didn't think so either as she pulled at his lip with her teeth.**

**'You're going to enjoy this.' She said in a husky voice as she pulled her top up over her head. He just nodded his head like a good boy and watched silently. So what if they were in a crowded room, or that people could walk up and see them, that his friends might not approve (except of course, Sirius)? He didn't care one bit, especially not when she was doing _that_ to him. Because now he had come up with a new name for what he was feeling, and only one other time, that had ended in disaster, had he been so like this.**

**He was definitely, and irreversibly, turned on.**

_**'Kiss' by Tom Jones**_

_**Sirius Black**_

Ladies, let me tell you a little something about me: I don't have any preferences on girlfriends. The only thing I really want is one thing: your kiss. There are many ways for you to go about seducing a man of my caliber. They range from talking dirty, flirting innocently, or just being willing. But the one thing that I will always go for is kisses. Doesn't matter where, doesn't matter when. I'm like the wet-cat looking thing and his green ham: I'll take them anywhere.

Yes, I know how this sounds. But just think of it this way. You don't have to rich, cruel, sweet, innocent, or anything that would usually turn a guy on or off. Just show me your lips, act your age, and we could most definitely take a twirl in my room. If you know what I'm sayin. 

So if you're picking up what I'm putting down, give me a call. You know where to find me.

_**'Teenagers' by My Chemical Romance**_

_**The Marauders**_

_**Running through the hallways on a school night, after curfew, and after most **_**normal****_ people were in bed was strictly prohibited. Did this matter to the Marauders? No. That was why they were doing just that. Throwing charms at passing portraits, turning the inhabitants on the inside sickly shades of pastel, the four boys laughed loudly for all to hear._**

_**Did they think anyone would catch them? Yes, eventually, someone (most likely Minnie) would wake, find the portraits had been f'd with, and then she would know it was them. Did they care? No, because they were teenagers and they were going to do what ever they wanted to do for as long as they liked. **_

**_Besides, what could possibly go wrong?

* * *

_**

Aw! Poor Remus, kissing a guy an all. Don't you just love Sirius though!? Please don't forget to review! Thanks for reading!

* * *


	2. Part II!

_Show Me How You Work It…II_

_If I Only Knew….Tom Jones…..James Potter_

Never had I seen a girl who could do such crazy things to me. My hands were starting to sweat, and I could feel a slight deflation in my fluffy hair as she screamed into my face. Yet, all I could notice was that her eyes were such a lovely shade of green when she yelled. Her face was emblazoned with anger, her cheeks were flushed, and that particular hue of red traveled across her neck, her collar bones, and down into her slightly opened school shirt.

And that, evidently, just constituted of me looking down her shirt. Lovely. That also earned me a nice slap to the back of the head.

My glasses slid forward on my face and fell to the ground. I watched through bleary vision as she huffed, threw her beautiful red hair over her shoulder and stalked up the stairs. When I was positive my glasses were clean and I was seeing correctly again, I turned to look at my best friend.

The black haired behemoth was laughing at me and I frowned slightly at his exuberant expression. "What?" I asked indignantly as he pointed to my face and laughed just a bit harder. Frowning at his psychoticness, I found the closest thing to a mirror (the blackened window) and stared in awe at my face.

On it, Lily Evan's hand print was embedded across my tan skin.

If I only knew how to make her love me, I wouldn't have to sit in the hospital wing for an hour as the swelling went down.

_I Can Do Better…..Avril Lavigne……Lily Evans_

So, I've made another mistake. Thinking that I could trust Potter. Give him and inch and he would always try to take a mile. Being Head Boy has done nothing but make his abnormally large ego even larger than it even thought it could be. So this is what happened. We were sitting in the head's common room working out the routes that the current prefects would be taking this next month when I stretched out and may have slightly brushed my hand through his hair.

It was _accidental_. And so what if his hair was feathery soft, that was so not the point in this little story. He was all, "If you want to touch me just ask, Evans," in his big macho voice and I was immediately disgusted. So I ran from the room and tried not to puke in my mouth as he followed me shouting words of love.

If the boy really thought that this was the way to get my attention than he has another thing coming at him. So when I finally reach the solace of the Gryffindor common room, who else but Potter and his goons come bursting through the door. He follows me to the stairs like the lost puppy he is and I had finally had enough.

I had promised Pomfrey earlier in the year that I would cause no more physical harm to this boy, but I was breaking that vow right now. With an almighty slap, I had embedded my hand into the side of his pretty boy face and turned to stalk away.

Black began to laugh and with a satisfied smile, I made my way to my old room where I could see Nel and just calm down.

I could definitely do better than Potter, so he could just go and all I have to say is So Long.

_Foreplay / Long Time……..Boston……..Sirius Black_

Well, I don't think I have ever felt like this in my whole seventeen years of existence. I have never been so scared of what lies ahead. With graduation coming up all I can think about is that time is running out. I haven't had enough time to do all the things I've wanted to do. Now I have to move on and, frankly, I don't know if I'm ready.

We haven't hung Filch by his ankles yet. Or streaked through the castle during the off periods. Nor have we changed all the pudding to something horribly foul that could be mistaken as chocolate given that it was the right texture and was altered a bit. No, now we have to leave this glorious place and although it's been a long time since we first started, it seems like it was only yesterday.

And, after Hogwarts, we haven't really talked about what we're going to do yet. I mean, I know I love her and I want to still be with her; but how weird will it be going from seeing the love of your life everyday to seeing her once a week? Maybe we aren't really in love and it's just being together all the time that makes us think we are? Merlin, this sucks.

James has it all figured out and he's ready to go with every plan he's ever had since he was five. Sigh. This is what it's like to be Sirius Black. You always chase stupid dreams that might not come true. But, hell, I'm going to take my time and finish strong with no inhibitions.

Then again, it is only September.

_Smooth Criminal…..Alien Ant Farm Version….Random Fan (Snape!!)_

I. am. So. Freaking. Cool! I have just stolen into the Marauder's bedroom in the middle of the night. So that fool, Pettigrew woke, but he's just a cheese obsessed weirdo so he had no idea what a person in all black would be doing in their room. He went back to sleep fairly easily, and I was slightly disappointed that I didn't get to use my new jujitsu moves on him.

But for next time, I will be ready.

So, what did I take, you may ask yourself? Only their most prized possessions. I took Black's cologne (so that I will always have something that will smell of his greatness), Potter's extra pair of pointed spectacles (so, with the right amount of pretending, they will lie flat on my abnormal nose and I will be him), and Lupin's special chocolate bar (so I can eat like him and pretend to be as intellectually gifted).

As I said before, I am a genius.

Now as I lay in bead, brushing my greasy hair back from my new glasses with cologne scented fingers, I lick my chocolate covered mouth and think to myself.

Yes, I most definitely am a smooth criminal.

_Fruitcakes……Jimmy Buffett……Remus Lupin_

I am surrounded by these people that I call my friends everyday of my life. I have been surrounded by these psycho people for the last _seven years of my life_! What was I thinking when I stepped onto the platform my first year? So what if I was an eleven year old boy with lycanthropy, I was not stupid enough to get roped into this circle.

I guess it must have been the fact that we seemed to be in paradise when we were together. We were, are, the best of friends. Even if they are fruitcakes in the strangest types of ways. Not to say that they are homosexual or that I am homophobic, but they are fruitcakes in these ways.

1. Sirius Black wants to _streak_ through the halls of Hogwarts before he graduates.

2. James Potter is currently lying on his back. On the ceiling!

3. Peter Pettigrew has a very strange obsession with cheese, cheese shaped things, and just the color orange in general. We are Gryffindor students for Pete's sake (ignore that) and we should be red and gold! Not orange!

4. I, Remus Lupin, have taken part in James' new past time and quite enjoy it on the ceiling.

Do you see the problem here, people? We all have a bit of fruitcake in us. You just have to know where to find it and where to look.

-----------------------------------

A:N Hey, peeps! So, I know right, I should be updating You Know You Love Me, but I'm at a block and I really needed to do something that was fun and stupid and just a good way to write and not really think about a plot line. But I promise that the next update is for Tangled or YKYLM. Promise

Please review and tell me what you think!

Have fun being fruitcakes…..just try it….it's great!


End file.
